26 - The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women

The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti

Avalon, 2010

272 pages

Date completed: March 19, 2010

Virginity in modern culture is a subject I'm very interested in, since I notice that it affects (or has affected) nearly every woman I know. So when it became available on Bookmooch, I snapped it up immediately.

I think Valenti did a good job with her argument and brought up a great deal of relevant points (for instance, that these false delusions of purity seem to only apply to women; men are seemingly allowed to have sex as much as they want prior to marriage). Although sometimes she just seemed to be ranting or reiterating the same point over and over again, I did get it and am glad I read this. It actually inspired me to do a research project about purity balls, which are one phenomenon that Valenti highlights frequently.

I've been hearing about purity balls for years now between anthropology/sociology classes and the Vagina Monologues at my college. I've always thought that they were a little creepy, since they entail fathers and daughters attending the ball (in prom attire) to make ridiculous pledges to one another: the fathers pledge to be knights crusading to protect their daughters' virginity, and the daughters pledge to remain "pure" until their marriage, at which point their virginity becomes the possession of their husband. The daughter wears a purity ring on her ring finger which will be supplanted, in theory, by an engagement ring. Have I mentioned that some of these girls are only like 7 years old?

There are so many things wrong with this picture. First of all, men do not have purity balls of their own. Young guys are encouraged to attend the balls and learn from the other mens' influence, but they do not need to pledge to remain pure or virgins. Secondly, the fathers are encouraged to take their daughters on actual dates, so that the daughters feel like their fathers really are working to protect them. Thirdly, and most importantly, there is no concrete dictionary definition of "virginity." In the OED, it's merely defined as remaining pure and refraining from sexual activity. This means that virginity can essentially be defined differently by every person on earth. Some people might think that ANY sexual activity entails a loss of virginity, while others might believe that virginity is lost only when sexual intercourse occurs.

This was merely one of Valenti's good points. I learned a lot from this book, and encourage others to read it and absorb its messages.